Roadtrippin' August 2019: Part One

Late post: This road trip took place from 08/12-08/19/2019. Cross-country Las Vegas, Nevada to Tampa, Florida.

When my ex was breaking up with me, he literally said "You should move to Florida" and my response was "like.. with you?" And he said "No".

Two weeks later everything I had known for the last 4 years... everything I had loved, had become... was packed into boxes. And while those boxes were starting their journey in the back of a truck on it's way to Tampa, Florida. I boarded a one-way flight.

It was May 31st, 2018. I remember pulling up to the departing gate, turning to him, and saying "We can stop this. It's not too late. I don't have to get on the plane." It was my final plea, the only plea I ever made to stay. And he simply said "Gatita". Actually it was more like "Ga....tiiiii...ta" That was all he said. "Gatita" (Spanish for Kitten), the pet name he gave me when we first started dating. He didn't stop me from getting out of the car. He simply said "I love you", hugged me, and drove off. I felt like a sack of potatoes. Thrown out, like yesterdays newspaper.

My story with The Ex should end there. I mean it sort of did. The chapter was closed. But I didn't stop communicating with him. In August 2018, he flew in to see me, and accompanied me to my friends wedding in Orlando. And we spent a week together as if nothing had changed. Surroundings changed, but everything else felt the same. He held my hand the same. He looked at me the same. He kissed me the same. But I wasn't the same. So after a week of pretending to be together, it was my turn to drop him off at the airport and say goodbye.

Not a good idea, I'm sure that's what you're thinking. That's what I was thinking, but I didn't care. And I had no regrets. I missed him. I missed my best friend. We knew us seeing each other had nothing to do with being together, or getting back together. Nothing was rekindled, and that was mutual. But it still hurt saying goodbye. I'm human, a super emotional human at that.

I decided to close myself off from him after that. We still maintained communication, but I pushed him away. Months would go by without anything between us. I blocked him on social media, unfriended him from Facebook. And I slowly but surely fell out of love. Fell out of caring too. I was becoming myself again. I had less anxiety, I wasn't as depressed. I was happier. I was growing, and learning, and loving. And I continue in my self-discovery, and growth every day.

A couple of months ago, I received a payment reminder for the van I had left in Las Vegas. The fact that my ex hadn't sold it after 13 months, was definitely a positive sign. I did some research into re-financing, since the van was in both our names, and I would need to remove him from the title paperwork. I also made sure I could afford my mini-van, car note, insurance, etc. I had some upcoming time off... so I contacted my ex and not only asked if I could take over the car payments... but if he could help me drive cross-country too. The nerve of me! lol In all fairness, he had been asking about visiting me for a while, and I previously declined. So this was a way for him to see me too. While I was happy and excited about the road-trip, and totally ok with seeing my ex, I was nervous about going back to what used to be our home. I was dreading it actually.

So fast forward, and ironically, I have a one-way ticket to Las Vegas. I start my journey with some over-priced airport food.

I connect in New Orleans, and finally hear "Welcome to Las Vegas". I didn't have my battery pack and spent too much time on my phone, so landed with a dead phone. What did we do back in the day?

I was able to use an airport phone to call a local number. He didn't answer so I left a message advising I had landed. I was grateful to two strangers who sent text messages on my behalf. One advised I grabbed my bag, and the second advising I was waiting at platform 9 3/4 (not really lol I think it was like #7 at passenger pickup). It was a madhouse! Sunday night, around 11pm, everybody and their momma landed in to McCarren Airport!

First stop included sushi at my favorite All You Can Eat, Yama Sushi!

After stuffing my belly, it was time to go home. Well, his home, not mine. And all the dread... it stayed until we left Tuesday morning. One of the things that tugged at my heart strings was taking a swim in the pool. The entire time we lived together, and mind you, my ex moved into the house 2 weeks before I moved in, the pool was out of order. It was fixed after I moved out, and has been the center of "Mansion Pool Parties" since. It's amazing how many people want to hang out with you when you have a working pool. But that's not my problem.

It was a little weird to sit on the sofa that we bought that still had my butt imprint. To open the fridge I picked out when we replaced our old one. To see the kitchen I had designed when our house flooded. It was like visiting a museum with all of your old things, and they had little placards to remind you of how you felt at the time.

I don't remember the times laughing on the couch watching TV or cuddling in bed watching the first season of OITNB for the third time. I don't remember the good times like grilling burgers outside, picking lemons from our garden, or laughing at the ridiculous giraffe statue the neighbor put in the cul-de-sac. I only remember sad times. Seeing the room where I had my office empty, was eerie. Seeing my old bedroom again was eerie. I had asked so many times to replace our old bedroom set, and mattress... and here I was looking at a brand new bedroom set. The familiarity and the new, haunted me.

Monday we didn't do to much now thinking about it. We mostly ran errands. And I did get to go to my favorite Korean BBQ Arirang.

Otherwise there is nothing to report on Monday. I filled up with gas, and took a late night swim, and pretty much went to bed.

Because my flight came in so late Sunday, we had decided to "explore" Vegas the following day, and leave early Tuesday after a good nights rest. I couldn't wait to get on the road. This was no longer my home, and my energy was off-sync.

Keep reading for Part 2!

xoxo,

Tiana